Our minds can create so much suffering when we don’t get what we want from life.
The first layer of emotional pain is what comes up when we don’t get what we want. Its difficult when life doesn’t go the way we expected it to go. It can lead us to feel emotional pain such as disappointment, anger and sadness. Sometimes, it can spiral us into deep grief. It is important to talk about this pain and work through it otherwise we can suffer for a long time afterwards.
How we respond to not getting what we want creates suffering. Thoughts such as “things should have gone the way I planned” and “life should not be like this” creates resistance to what is arising. The suffering comes from “resisting” life on life terms and pushing away the feelings that arise in these situations.
Clients come to therapy not wanting to feel the emotions these events bring up in their lives, because the feelings have become so intense as a result of resisting them over a long period of time. Avoiding and suppressing feelings because we want control over them, creates more suffering in the long run. We cannot control emotions, but we can allow them to be there so we can meet them with tenderness.
This sometimes involves creating new beliefs around emotions and emotional pain first, before we can face them and allow them to be there. We are not encouraged in society to allow ourselves the time for healing our emotions. We are taught to “get over it” as quickly as possible. Training the mind to be with, rather than “resist” emotions takes practice and guidance.
Looking into suffering 